This initial experience started out the way these things usually do. We were privileged and carefree. We thought we were invincible. We thought such things did not happen to us. We were wrong.
I immediately said to him: “Your body, your will.” I meant it with all my heart. I was convinced that this was not my call. He struggled. He was raised a “good” Christian. She did not want to be a mother at the age of 18. He had plans. He had dreams. They came first.
We went to Planned Parenthood. Only my best friend knew. I had money from a job at a fast food restaurant and I paid. I was standing in the waiting room – the seats were full of brown and black and white faces from all over the city. I read People magazine while we waited. She was crying when she went in. It was 10 o’clock. She was restless when she came out.
For days and weeks after that, we said nothing more. I just tried to be there, comfort her when she needed comfort, get food when she needed food. We drank She smoked – my family had grown large quantities of cannabis in the basement. None of this helped.
We broke up She turned to Jesus, to literary journalism. There was no drama when we separated. Confession only: It was messed up. Goodbye.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to raise a child while studying at university. Sometimes I wonder what she’s doing now, if she’s OK, how she remembers it all. Over the years, I have felt guilty for putting this woman in the worst possible situation. Mostly I just think: thank goodness. Thank God he had a choice.
Thank God we didn’t legally become parents before we drank.
Of course, this could change in our country before Labor Day. According to a majority opinion of a preliminary draft leaked to the press last week, the Supreme Court will vote to overturn the landmark 1973 v. Wade ruling, which guaranteed federal constitutional rights to privacy. Roe also added that the right to privacy includes a woman’s right to make health care decisions about her body.
The latest draft of the opinion also overturned the 1992 decision, Planned Parenthood vs. Casey, which strengthened the Roe by raising the reservations of the 14th Amendment to equality.
This means that the court is almost certainly ready for the states to decide whether to ban abortion or not. This means that our state governments will soon have the power to tell women what they can and cannot do. Which means it’s about to be the most delusional time of the year, as well.
For me, 15 years after this planned parental visit, my path finally went back to Dad.
When I was ready for that responsibility, when I really wanted it, I was lucky to be able to play my part in producing three daughters who are passionate, passionate and in the midst of everything. I jumped into the “father’s experience” without any hesitation, arranging everything from drop off and pickup to dance classes and play dates. I have supported my girls through the quest for the spirit of sex, the Spelling Bee Championship, therapy sessions, trampoline park birthday parties, doctor visits, zoom schools, friendship dramas and much more.
No, life with these kids isn’t always a rainbow, a unicorn and a capable Instagram photo. To make matters worse, his mother and I recently divorced and the transition has been difficult for everyone.
The slogan is part of the journey. I welcome that. I signed up for it. I find solace in my imperfections, knowing that I have finally become a human being so that I can be present for my children whenever and wherever they need me. A big part of the reason for accepting this dynamic is that I chose it. If I were forced to accept dynamics, it wouldn’t happen. No i won’t Not that
My eldest daughter will be 13 in a few weeks, and, like most junior high school kids, she is learning about sex. When I broke the news to her about the leaked opinion, she was furious at the thought of not being able to control her body. Without thinking, he started asking rhetorical questions like: “Don’t I have rights?” “I don’t mind, do I?” “Who cares about me in government?”
Truth be told, his anger was beautiful. And comforting.
Other than confirming her feelings, I didn’t have a good answer at the time – I try to keep it real with my children, and the authoritative answers to such questions as complex, existential, and (our nation’s) Given the current situation (disappointing)
Instead, I vowed to fight like hell to make sure she and her sisters had the same choices when I was their age.
My daughters deserve to be parents. We all do.